We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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