Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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