My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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