apparently the secret to your success is patron
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
