dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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