3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
