But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Couch. On fire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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