mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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