She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
