Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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