I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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