just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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