Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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