mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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