drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
