i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
