K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
