I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
