You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
