I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
