theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Randomize
