I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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