yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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