like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
