Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
