Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my sisters under your porch take her home
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
