He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize