you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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