wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
honey bunches of taint.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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