1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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