i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
