It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
