Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
