I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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