i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
