Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize