I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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