I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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