you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
