I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize