Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
