he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
