Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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