I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is Oprah even human
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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