I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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