ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize