Duck Duck Cougar?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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