Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
