It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
