no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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