At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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