Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
