They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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