I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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