Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
