Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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