This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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