Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
