the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize