i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
