this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
