this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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