2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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