I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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