my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
