College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
