hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
